Mealtime approaches and Ray Carver, a
big, quick-witted man, is anxious to eat. He sets the table in
a hurry and opens cartons of leftover carryout Chinese. We sit
down, and as we begin, Ray's lover, an impish, dark-haired woman,
tells a story: "Last fall I found a great Irish place called
Coleman's, and I wanted to take Ray. So we set out one night
for dinner, but Coleman's is all the way across town, and every
time we'd pass a Wendy's or a McDonald's, Ray wanted to stop.
I kept saying, "No, don't you want to go to Coleman's?' He
was getting fussier, but we finally made it."
"You bet," says Ray. "The food was good." He's
relaxed some after taking the first bites of Chinese.
"So now," Tess Gallagher says, when we
look at each other's work — new stories or poems — we
say, 'No, you didn't get that one quite to Coleman's.' Or when
a thing's good, 'By
golly, you really got that one all the way to Coleman's!'"
We laugh, and in this moment Ray's hunger has been turned
to merriment and metaphor. His anxiety to eat on time is very
real, physical, a residue from his long years on the bottle. He
hasn't had a drink in a decade, and for most of that time,
it turns out, he's been living with Tess, a strong-willed poet
with some hard luck and sound success of her own.
Late one afternoon, as we drive in their big Mercedes and
Ray lights another Now 100, we talk about smoking and the things
you shouldn't do, and Tess, cracking a rear window, letting
in damp Pacific air, says lightly to Ray, "God has given
you to me to take care of." Outside, it's what Tess
calls the blue hour. The Olympic Mountains in evergreen
and melting snow, the Strait of Juan de Fuca reaching twenty-two
miles to Victoria's urban shore, the town of Port Angeles beneath
us, are shades of deep watercolor blue. The towns near
Port Angeles are Sequim, Sol Duc, Discovery Bay, Forks, Sappho,
Gardiner. There is woodsmoke in the air, and the sound
of chainsaws and foghorns.
Ray snuffs his cigarette, and we cruise down toward Port Angeles,
the small mill town where Tess was raised and where she and
Ray now spend most of each year, a place remarkably like Yakima,
where Ray grew up in the forties and early fifties.
Ray Carver's checkered life story is familiar to the small
world that pays close attention to who's who in American writing. His
spare short-story masterpieces about hapless characters in
straitened circumstances have influenced a generation of younger
writers and prompted what some have called a short-story renaissance
in this country. He is greatly recognized in England,
Holland, Germany, France, Denmark, and Japan, where his story
collection Cathedral is
a best-seller. His papers are of increasing value to
libraries and collectors, and there are perhaps a few thousand
fans — professional literati — who could tell you
that Ray met his ex-wife, Maryann, when he was sixteen and
she was fourteen
and that within two years she was pregnant, gave up a scholarship
to college, married Ray, and together they began a life of
reckless hope.
Tess Gallagher has not met Maryann, though in Port Angeles
Tess and Ray are not far from the town where Maryann lives
on a parcel of land with Ray and Maryann's daughter, Christine,
her two daughters, and Christine's come-and-go biker husband,
Shiloh. Tess, whose style inclines to passionate contrasts
— blacks and whites, deep wine reds, purples — whose long
dark hair, often twisted up with pearled combs or tortoiseshell
sticks, and fair complexion remind me of the Kabuki masks she
collects, tells me plainly what she has heard about Ray's marriage: "People
who knew them then say they lived from dream to dream, each
new dream as good as the next, a real possibility, while the
present grew worse and worse, horrible in fact."
Tess's information is accurate, from family and old friends
who knew Ray as the son of a drunken mill hand in Yakima, and
knew him later as a janitor who wanted to be a writer. But
her facts could have come from reading Ray's fiction. "Drinking's
funny," Ray wrote in a story called "Gazebo." "When
I look back on it, all of our important decisions have been
figured out when we were drinking. Even when we talked
about having to cut back on our drinking, we'd be sitting at
the kitchen table or out at the picnic table with a six-pack
or whiskey."
In 1976, when Carver's first book of stories came out and
was a finalist for a National Book Award, he was pushing forty,
nearing the breakup of a twenty-year marriage. His son and
daughter were almost grown but by no means settled or happy,
his working life had been a series of mostly menial jobs, with
time stolen for writing (often in the front seat of a parked
car), and he had given himself up to serious drinking. To his
credit, he'd published three books of poems, contributed a
story to Martha Foley's Best American Short Stories annual,
attended the Iowa Writers' Workshop, published in big monthly
and little quarterly magazines, received the encouragement
of John Gardner and Gordon Lish. Yet his health was dissolving
and he didn't care if he ever wrote again. He spent most
of 1976 in and out of hospitals and drunk farms.
Tess first saw Ray in November 1977 in Dallas, where both
were feature attractions at a writing conference and Ray gave
a reading of a short story about one of his bankruptcies. Tess
remembers his shakiness on stage, and she wondered "how
he could do it, hold himself together. He seemed
so fragile." Carver had quit drinking five months earlier.
The following year they met again by chance at a writers'
conference in El Paso. Carver had won a teaching job there
and was just coming down from Iowa City, which he left driving
his son Vance's cast-off Olds. The car died in Van Horn, Texas,
and Carver arrived in El Paso on a Greyhound, carrying in his
arms a single cardboard case of belongings.
In El Paso, Tess and Ray started going out with a gang of
friends. They crossed the border into Mexico for a bullfight;
they went to faculty parties, to a Texas poolside barbecue;
and one night they went out together alone. Tess was
nervous, fiddling with an earring, so nervous she pulled the
ring through her lobe and then covered her ear with her hand
as if fixing her hair. Finally she said, "I think
I have to go to the hospital."
At the emergency room, while they worked on Tess's ear, they
accused Ray of abusing her. Tess says: "When we
drove away from the hospital, his line to me was 'I can't just
let you go home after this.' "
They went to Ray's, where, Tess tells me, there was a bed
with sofa cushions for pillows, and for pillowcases white T-shirts
pulled over the cushions. "Do you know what he said?" Tess
laughs. "He said, 'I'm a forty-year-old without
a pillow.' "
Five years younger than Ray, Tess had already published two
books of lyric poetry that drew on the voices of family and
friends in the Pacific Northwest. She'd won a Guggenheim
Fellowship and was living in an unheated cabin near Port Angeles,
and she and Ray began writing each other and placing long late-night
calls and visiting back and forth, until Tess moved to El Paso.
Ray describes El Paso folk as people with two of everything
and more than willing to lend housewares and furniture. Tess
remembers Ray pulling up to their new home with a borrowed
antique dresser on the back of a rented truck. One of
the drawers had fallen out on the road somewhere. Ray
hunched his big shoulders, frowned, and said, "I don't
know where it went! We won't find it now." Tess sent him
to look. And when he found it miles back on the highway,
she glued and patched it together. She told him: "You
have a lot of bad luck, don't you? That's going to have to
change if you're going to be around me. I don't want
to be around that much bad luck."
Bill collectors were circling Ray. "The gasman
came around one day," Tess says, "and I opened the
door and said, 'May I help you?'
"'I'm here to cut off the gas.'
"'But I need gas.'"
"It wasn't that there wasn't any money then," Ray
says. "It was that I still wasn't any good at taking
care of things."
"That's when I took over all that stuff."
"I'm not very good at details."
"But you take on a lot of detail work now."
"Yes, that's true."
But money was a problem in El Paso. Their
first bad fight was over a credit card Ray wanted to borrow
to take to Houston. "A reformed alcoholic with two
bankruptcies!" Tess says. The argument ended with
Tess tossing the card on the bed. "Take it!" she
said. And now, in the retelling of this small domestic
tale, there rises between them laughter, the mirth that is
so much the sound of their voices. Sometimes, too, a
look passes between them, a gleam of competition over who will
use the material first and who will write it best.
It is late. We are drinking small, strong coffees from
an espresso machine they've just bought. Ray finishes,
gets up, and stokes the woodstove for the night. He's
a little restless and does not look or move at all like a man
who almost died from booze. He clears our cups and saucers
to the sink, and at the counter switches on the playback of
a telephone-answering machine: a British magazine publisher
who calls every day asking if Ray won't please send him a story;
an old poet friend of Tess's calling from New England to say
hi; Tess's sister-in-law about dinner plans for tomorrow night;
an editor asking about a book of essays she's doing with him;
one of Ray's relatives, who doesn't leave a clear message but
likely needs help of some kind; Tess's brother Morris, who
says he treed a bobcat this morning but couldn't get a shot
— an entire day and a half of connections, in a world
that gives life to art.
Ray shuts off the playback and takes the phone off the hook. Next
morning we plan to rise at four and go fishing for steelhead
trout. But the rivers are muddy and swollen with rain,
and we drive back home at sunrise, the long swift caravans
of logging trucks blowing past us. The classic 1950s
and '60s cars and trucks on the road look picturesque, but
are a matter of economy. Vietnam vets have moved here
from all over the country, and Tess tells me, "This is
a good place to come to heal."
After El Paso, Ray and Tess moved to Tucson, where Tess had
a teaching appointment at the University of Arizona. That
was 1979, and Ray had been given a Guggenheim Fellowship to
spend a year on his fiction. Tess would often go off
and write, sitting on a park bench. But Ray was not writing. He
says, "After I got my health back, I didn't care about
the writing. Every day was a bonus. Still is."
Tess says, "I didn't know if he would ever write again, and
in one way it didn't matter, but in another it really did. One
day I said to him, 'Why don't you write me something good to
read.' Well, he started, and then an essay I was working on,
'My Father's Love Letters,' got him going to write 'Fires.'"
In "Fires," Ray recalled his life with
Maryann and the children: "There were good times back
there, of course; certain grown-up pleasures and satisfactions
that only parents have access to. But I'd take poison
before I'd go through that time again.... My kids were in full
cry then ... and they were eating me alive." What
am I to make of this? Ray wondered. The obvious answer
is art. Tess, in her own essay, had considered the terrible
effect of her father's drinking: "Unreasonableness could
descend at any minute.... Emotional and physical vulnerability
was a constant. Yet the heart began to take shelter,
to build understandings out of words."
Tess is twice divorced, once from a Marine Corps jet pilot
("a sweet man, he forgave me my defection") and later
from a poet whose poems she had fallen in love with. She
brought the poet to Port Angeles to live in a trailer next
to her parents' house, and one night after his shouting and
abuse brought her father out and then her mother to restrain
her father, Tess said she and her husband would leave. Her
mother said, "No, your father's just drunk. But
I don't understand why you're with that man — he's drunk and
crazy. But you've made your bed, you'll have to lie in
it."
Tess, speaking her mother's old cautions about life and men,
echoes the bitterness and pride bred in families like hers
and Ray's. During the Depression, Tess's father came
to the Olympic Peninsula from Missouri, and Ray's father from
Arkansas. They took up logging work, sent for their relatives,
married, and started families. Tess's father had the
one pair of cork boots the family could afford. So, in
street shoes, her mother set the choker that drags felled trees
toward the truck for loading. The five children played
to one side, and danger was a constant. Tess, who went
without shoes until first grade, tore her foot on a piece of
glass in the woods one day. Carver, hearing the story
for the first time, perceives immediately, "Your father
felt you had betrayed him, lost him a day's work."
"Oh yes! He wrapped a dirty cloth around my foot and
drove me to the hospital, but didn't say a word all the way
in."
Ray tells of being ashamed of the poverty of the house he
grew up in. He recalls the night his mother locked his
father out, and when he came home drunk and tried to crawl
through a window, she knocked him cold with a heavy skillet. He
lay out on the ground till morning.
The fathers drank, and heavy burdens fell on the wives and
children. In the end they would nurse the dying fathers,
but long before that Ray and Tess worked to get away, to find
and earn an education.
Tess's father wouldn't help with college. It
would be a waste, he said. She was oversexed and would
just run off and marry. And Ray was always baited about
school: What are these books? Didn't make you any smarter,
did it? Didn't make you any richer.
Earlier this year Tess turned down $20,000 for
a month's teaching because she wanted to keep on with her writing. Since
1983 Ray has held the Mildred and Harold Strauss Livings Award
from the American Academy and Institute of Arts and Letters,
which provides $35,000 a year for five years. This fall
Ray's fourth book of poems, Ultramarine, and Tess's
first short-story collection, The Lover of Horses, will
bring to ten the number of books they've published over the
past
three years. Ray, who drafts his stories quickly, set
an example for Tess in the composition of The Lover of Horses, and
Tess, in wanting to get "all the way to Coleman's," encouraged
the full, luminous endings of newer Carver stories like "Feathers" and "Cathedral."
In Port Angeles they share two houses. The one overlooking
the Strait of Juan de Fuca was built with money Tess earned
from her poetry. The other, across town on the bad side
of Port Angeles, in what his readers would clearly recognize
as Carver country, with its junk-ridden side yards and cars
raised on cinder blocks, he paid for himself. Each house
has two desks. Tess says, "I don't go into his study
much at all, don't presume to. Only another writer can
understand a writer's need for solitude." I ask
if they ever think of marriage. "Oh yeah," Tess
says, "we've talked about that. Sometimes we think
we'll marry on a ship going to some strange place. Sometimes
we think it's the unofficialness that makes it."
On a spring Saturday so bright and clear that from a great
distance we can pick out with bare eyes bald eagles roosting
on their nests high in fir trees on the shore, we finally do
go fishing, not for river steelhead but out on the strait for
salmon. A Nakamura freighter loaded with wood sends us
bobbing in its wake as it leaves port for Japan. "Look
out," Ray says. But Tess has already grabbed the
rod. "It's a big one! Is it a big one?" Ray
shouts. He and I move in to help, but Tess, who has fished
the strait all her life, reels it in, a fifteen-pounder. They're
both laughing, and Ray gives her a big hug.
It's early Sunday afternoon, and in a couple of hours Ray
and Tess will give a reading at the Port Angeles library. Ray
will read an essay about his father, then Tess will read a
story about a father something like her own. But now
it's still early and Tess plays Chopin on the piano, plays
and practices while Ray reads and smokes. Over in Yakima,
the house where his mother crowned his father with a skillet
has partly burned and weeds have grown up inside. And
down near the mills of Port Angeles, where her father walked
to work in the years after he left the woods, the yard of Tess's
first home is more dirt than grass, the window of her room
hung with a child's patchwork quilt. Tess plays Chopin
with quick emotion, Ray smokes and reads, and the house on
the bad side of town fills with the wordless sound that lies
beneath their best work, and it occurs to me that it might
be too much to expect Ray to give up smoking too, that Tess's
father died not long ago of lung cancer, that she hates it
and has been good in not saying much about it — at least not
in front of me — and that Ray may someday give it up. Yet
Tess does not take nor would she deserve credit for his change. What's
true, I think, is that together they've been happy and faithful
and cautious of all that's ill. One feels between them
an accumulation of gentleness and strength, a concert of energies. They
seem joined by fate, and careful of it.
— Originally published in Vanity Fair |